I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
