yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I will pee on everything he values.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
