the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
