i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize