Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
