I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
