3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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