I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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