how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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