I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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