I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
