Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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