Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Sober January is a disaster.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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