the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
