wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize