I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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