I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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