Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
