I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize