I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize