return my video game
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
