you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
