You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
