Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
