last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
