Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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