nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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