i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
