happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
