My first STD was from a foam party
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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