There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
