his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
