I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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