I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize