why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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