so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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