What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
