The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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