Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
