She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
