man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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