with your own penis?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
