I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
