one might say we're banned from that church
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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