Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
