Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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