he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I will pee on everything he values.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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