it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
