dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
