Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize