no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
