There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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