you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you didnt know i had herpes?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
