i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
