Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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