did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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