I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
