Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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