1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
