Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
