just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
