would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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