Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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