You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
