The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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