its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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