I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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