I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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