hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
