i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
