I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We need to feng shui this bitch.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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