Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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