chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize