i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
